I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
