spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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