I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
