If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
