My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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