You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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