Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
