you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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