I'm drive I can fine osifer
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
