wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
