dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
