Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i came on her dog
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
