The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
