; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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