you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
