dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
