You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
