My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I love you. Go after that dick
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
