My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
