I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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