Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
