I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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