So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
