He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
