Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
