Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
