i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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