I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
