You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
