Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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