So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
