Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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