So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My vagina is officially offended.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
