He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
