Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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