I wish I could punch you in the face.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
