Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
