In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
