Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
