That's when you crack a 10am beer
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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