So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
