Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
