Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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