I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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