An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
