the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
