I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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