I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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