Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This baby is an asshole
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
