haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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