i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's a Shit stain on my heart
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
