my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
