New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
