I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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