If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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